"Cowboys" spurs debate, angers some Swedish men

The abridged TV cut of "Cowboys in Paradise" -- re-titled "Women Who Buy Love" -- aired on Sweden's SVT channel recently.

If comments posted on Genus Nytt (in Swedish) are anything to go by, some men are peeved by how the film, and society at large, regard female sex tourists differently from their male counterparts. It's a familiar argument: "When women do it, they're looking for romance, just being strong and empowered...", etc.

I won't speak for society, but the film didn't regard male sex tourists differently. In fact it didn't regard them AT ALL. The film's about the Cowboys and the women who seek their companionship (for varying reasons). Theirs were the only stories/views I was interested to know and share.

Here are some of the comments (with much help from Google Translate):

"Hardly surprising that Swedish Television defends advertising and promotion of women buying sex in the third world, while men in Sweden are sentenced to harsh prison terms for the same conduct. Not for nothing that Sweden is internationally known as feminism Saudi Arabia."

"This made ​​me really angry. Had the program been produced in the same way, and instead focused on men, it would have caused chaos in the media of Sweden... But now it's women. Women can. Women who do so are strong women, who want a little romance, and cozy on vacation. Damn."

"We're talking about ​​equality in reporting that both men and women can go abroad to buy sex. But one is called 'for romance' and the other prostitution...

It is ok to seek happiness where you can find it. But why demonize one sex for the very same thing?"

"I advise all men who want to buy sex to go to Denmark or Thailand, where you can get what you can't in Sweden. What is strange about two adults who have sex? What is strange about two adults who have sex where one pays?... All relationships or marriage symbolize a transaction that opens up the word "love". All women are whores and all men are johns how we look at it. Sorry to others living in your Disney Worlds for revealing what and who you are."

I heart this quote

"To be a tourist is to escape accountability. Errors and failings don't cling to you the way they do back home."

- Don DeLillo, The Names

She's coy! She's demure! She's not real!

With their male counterparts having love-ins with virtual avatars, why wouldn't Japanese women seek romance elsewhere?

"Rule #1: No Sex"

Thanks for sending in the link, Christy. No, I don't know if Coldplay agreed to let them use the song.

Your husband won't cheat on you if...

Via Jezebel:

Pat Robertson, crusader for "traditional" marriages and hater of all things feminist, recently advised a wife, concerned that her husband was planning on cheating on her, to make herself "as attractive as possible," to solve everything.

I avoid rationalising the rise of female sex tourism. To me, the fact that women want to and can travel for sex (or 'romance') is reason enough. But getting away from men with the above mindset must be a powerful motivation.

"How about the men?"

Another one I've been asked a lot, usually as a friendly jibe but occasionally with a determination more fitting on 60 Minutes: "What about the men who go to Bali for sex?" Or, after the most recent screening, "Are you going to do a sequel on the male sex tourists?" ("Actually there already is a sequel," I replied.)

I welcome the question, but I find it somewhat irrelevant. You don't need this film to tell you that male sex tourists visit Bali too. And you certainly don't need it to acknowledge that sex tourism happens the world over. A film about the war in Iraq doesn't automatically deny all the other wars that came before it. Not that I'm comparing sex with war. We could all do with more of one, and have none of the other.

"The coming tsunami"

Back in 2008, Dr Nyoman Karmaya, Chairman of the Committee for Combating AIDS (KPAD), spoke of "the coming tsunami of HIV/AIDS sufferers threatening to drown and overwhelm (Bali)."

"Putu Cantik" posted this link on our FB page recently. The numbers just got grimmer.

There are 7,317 confirmed HIV/AIDS cases in Bali. This is twice the number from three years ago, a rate of increase far worse than the previous estimate of 30% every two years.

The report identifies the usual high-risk groups: sex workers, needle users, wives and children of men who visit brothels, and prisoners (?). Missing from the count, again, are the beach boys, underscoring the difficulty health officials in Bali and similar destinations face in monitoring an acknowledged high-risk group.

Certainly, the Cowboys should not be forced to undergo mandatory check-ups. (To the government's credit, they're not.) And as one commenter pointed out to me, totally out of context, of course: "They know how to use condoms."

Sure they do! But as the film reveals, like adults everywhere, they sometimes choose not to. Worse, it's often because that's what their partners want. Partners who also know how and why to use condoms, by the way.

A national shame for Japan?

Interesting article in Nikkan Gendai, Japan's national newspaper, via Tokyo Reporter. Starts by referencing "Cowboys in Paradise" and then gets funny-weird.

I'm in no position to argue facts with a "pink" journo. Hell, I'm happy to concede I don't know how men in Bali elongate their tongues. But why are Japanese women traveling for "fun, fun, fun" a national shame? And relative to whom? J-men who travel overseas for similar purposes?

More terms of endearment

Rediscovered this old article in my research stack. Makes for a nice follow up to an earlier post.

Female sex tourists, as it turns out, have earned many colourful monikers too. Abridged from the article:

In Bermuda, they're "longtails" or "yellowtails."

In Jamaica... "Milk bottles" if they're white, newly arrived and, to put it crudely, "in need of filling"... If they're black, the women are called Stellas.

In Barbados, female sex tourism has been dubbed "Canadian secretary syndrome."

In Martinique, locals refer to incoming flights of Air Canada as "Air Coucoune" -- French for "Air Pussy."

I can't think of any outlandish term the Kuta Cowboys use to refer to female tourists. Nothing that comes close to the above on the I'm-ashamed-to-be-laughing-at-this scale anyway. But they do have their own name for Qantas. I won't repeat it here, but the etymology follows the same logic as that for Air Canada above.

Air NZ promotes sex tourism?

Not sure what Air NZ's marketing objectives were with this video, but it's hilarious. Gotta give their staff chops for agreeing to do it too, specially since they're actually quite good in it.

Top LOL moments: the Enya dig and the hunting scene in the bar. No self-respecting Kuta Cowboy would be paralyzed or pretend to be gay though.

And yes, the p-addict draining out the cougar's bank account reminded me of love and economics in Bali. Final thought: the Cougars are not under threat of extinction. We're going to hear them roar louder, and for a long time to come. Only I'm too old to offer myself as prey.

The Zipless Fuck

Found this in my notes and I laughed as loudly as I had two years ago when I first read about it.

Abridged from Wikipedia. Full article here.

Fear of Flying is a 1973 novel by Erica Jong... The book resonated with women who felt stuck in unfulfilled marriages, and it has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide.... In the novel, Jong coined the term "zipless fuck," which soon entered the popular lexicon. A "zipless fuck" is defined as a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons.

Jong goes on to explain that it is "zipless" because "when you came together, zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff. For the true ultimate zipless A-1 fuck, it was necessary that you never got to know the man very well."

Screw "Cowboys in Paradise". I should have called the film "The Zipless Fucks".

(Note: "Fear of Flying" isn't about female sex tourism. But the Zipless Fuck is a valid motivation for female sex tourists.)

Sex Tourism vs. Romance Holidays

Men travel for sex, and women for romance. Or so the argument goes.

My take? Sex workers don't give a fuck. (I snuck this line in the film. Hats off to anyone who spots it!) Sure, they'd love for romance to bloom, but that's just good for business.

I find it odd that the sex-romance distinction is often made by women writers and travelers. It comes off as some kind of justification, or worse, and apology. Fact is, many women today travel with the intention of having cheap, easily-(for)gotten, limited-time only, unadulterated nookie. Their mate selection process may be more detailed than men's, but those are just varying means to the same pre-meditated end.

Good for them, if that's what they seek. Let's not burden them with the need to justify their actions as a search for romantic or emotional fulfillment. Women have as much a right to travel for sex as men do.

A thorn by any other name...

Men serving female sex tourists have some rather colourful euphemisms. Here's a sampling from around the world:

• Bali: Kuta Cowboys
  
• Jamaica: Rent-a-Dreds/Rent-a-Rasta
  
• Jordan: Marlboro Men
  
• Dominican Republic: Sanky-Pankies*
  
• Greece: Kamakia (fishing harpoons)**
  
• Croatia/Bulgaria: Seaguls
  
• Peru: Brichero
  
• Gambia: Bumsters

*I've often envied the life of a male sex provider, but no one could pay me enough to be called that.

**Are there specific harpoon classifications? Small? Medium? Big enough to kill a whale?

My personal views on sex tourism

Ever since I set out to make this film, I've struggled to define my own position on sex tourism. Surely, as the director I had to take sides on the issue, no?

No. The issue is far too complicated, and I have many conflicting views on the subject (Hey, I'm a Gemini!). This led to a key creative decision: the film would not have a narrator. Instead, it would be pieced together with what the interviewees said. That way, all opinions expressed in the film would be fact, at least for the characters presenting them. (Flip side: some things I knew about and wanted desperately to include in the film had to be left out. If nobody talked about it, I had no way of introducing the point.)

But since I raised the subject, here are some of my views on sex tourism:

1. I have no moral objections to sex tourism and prostitution, long as nobody's forced into the trade.
2. But aren't most sex providers forced into it by poverty? Yes, certainly in the developing world they are. While I'm against stuff like poor villagers selling their daughters to pimp, I respect men and women who willingly enter the trade to make a living.
3. I morally, ethically and violently object to pedophilia. Sadly, pedophiles are sex tourists too.
   
4. I loathe anyone who mistreats sex workers, or feels superior to them because they are poor or non-White. You see a lot of that around.
5. There are socio-economic consequences to sex tourism that I'm uncomfortable with, but it's not my place to preach about them. That would be arrogant. It's also the reason why Cowboys is not a didactic film.
6. There are always more reasons to visit a foreign country than cheap, readily-available sex.